A TRIBUTE TO MY MOTHER 'BOSE GOLLY'

Dear mum, it's been 4 years since you left us yet it seems like yesterday. I still look out the window oftentimes and wish you'had return but you never did. I couldn't get over your demise, I only moved on because life goes on. Your departure left me empty, hopeless & faithless. You were my pillar & backbone & I became crippled when you left. I may never get over your departure mum. Now I am made to face the harsh realities of life. I resigned to fate because God made it so.
  There are a lot of things to say, a lot has happened since you left, there are so many questions I need answers to but now I can only talk to myself because you can't hear me anymore but I promise to tell you all about it when I see you again.
Your absence left me broken into pieces and overtime these broken pieces has refused to fall into places. Life played a fucking prank on me when you slipped through my fingers.
I thought they said time heals? It's all a lie. That  is only a false philosophy of life. Time failed me mum because the longer the time of your demise, the more painful it gets. The wounds are getting deeper with time & the pains that I feel is getting more painful with time. I had go back to time & freeze all the pictures & save them from the funny tricks of time but I can't.
Life happened to me when I had other plans for life. Life isn't fair at all but GOD is been faithful & good. So I found solace in HIM because HE'S stronger in broken places. I will always love you. I will love you till I breath my last.
Sleep on BOSE GOLLY.. My Emerald.

SMILING IT THROUGH

• A lot of persons don’t know the importance of smiling. It has both medical benefits which is good for the health and psychological benefits also. Personally I have noticed that smiling helps to reduce aging and it's the best mask to conceal all kinds of intentions. So I call it my anti-aging remedy and my intention concealer.

• It cost nothing to smile; it takes 100 muscles to frown and just 10 to smile. Therefore, the more muscles you use on your face to frown, the older you become.

When you put a smile on your face always, the world will seem a whole lot better. Trust me, often times, my smile is usually my make up that I wear through terrible and broken times. I have learned to replace it all with a smile and no matter how close people look at me; it's difficult to see the tracks of my tears when i smile. All I do is smile.

A letter to my half brother.

Dear Kid Brother,

         I am writing you this letter for future reference. As on this day 13th, of April 2016, I  have not set my eyes on you, I don't  know your mother, what you look like, nor do I know your name.

I am sorry I didn't really care much as a result of the circumstances to which you were born. It hurts me. I don't know how Long this will last but so far, and till now, I am still hurting and for that reason, I may never be able to show you the kind of love that you deserve. This doesn't mean that I hate you, it doesn't mean that I won't lend a hand when you ask or open when you knock, It simply means that, there's a long distance between us and I may never love you.

 I 'had love to tell you a story:

I am Alero Fregene, your eldest sister. I have two younger sisters, we are just three of us & no more.

Growing up for us was very interesting especially because of the fact that our late mother goes any length and does anything to make us happy and comfortable. We were not born with a silver spoon but we lived better than those who did. We had everything we ever wanted, all we needed to do was ask and she gave. Ask our father when you grow up and he will tell you more of the same story. She was our pillar & back bone. She would give her life for us her 3 Daughters. She was the greatest and best of all mothers since the history & evolution of life. Her version of life was the best. We were her treasure and she was all we had and our emerald. She was the definition of a true mother and we will always love and remember her even till the day after tomorrow. She wasn't just  a good mother to us, she was a good woman. 

We were happy but in the heart of our father, there was a pain he just couldn't help. A pain of something he wanted badly and that's a male child. 

Oftentimes he made us feel as though we were not enough because we didn't have a brother..  My mother on the other hand was always comfortable without a son. Having a son was inconsequential to her. She was more concerned in giving us the best.

We were just more than enough. We were her assets and she had faith in us.  

One day our entire life shattered in just a second. 15th day of August 2012. She died. My own very precious mother died. 

I watched her breath her last. That is what pain is. No greater pain. I don't even wish such grief on my worst enemy. Although it's not the first time anyone is losing a mother but it was the first time I lost mine, it was the first time I lost someone irreplaceable. It was the first time I felt such unexplainable and unimaginable pain. It was the first time I felt broken in an unamendable way. And it's the first time anyone ever took a piece of me when they left. I guess at this point you wished the story ended and you are wondering how you became a victim of this circumstance. Here is just the beginning.

  You were born sometime in the month of november 2013, that was barely a year and 3 months after my mothers demise. What this means is that my father had been cheating on my dearest mother with your mother long before my mother died. It means that your mother was the reason for those late nights, those nights my father spent out leaving my mother all alone. It means that your mother was a lot of the reasons why my own mother was often sad and lonely. It means that your mother was the reason why my father stopped seeing anything positive in his daughters. Although my mother didn't want to break because she loved us and didn't want us to see her broken, I was old enough to see the pain and tears she was trying to hide. We were the only consolation she had.  Your mother couldn't even wait for us to mourn our mother,  instead she wanted to prove to the world  that my mother, my own precious mother, was incapable while she is capable of having a male child. 

Is she GOD?

 I see you as an insult to the memory of my mother.  Nobody dares insult my mother because she is of inestimable value. 

I was already in my mid 20's when you were born. This means that I am already comfortable with the idea of not having a biological brother as I have relatives who already fit that profile. 

I heard that our father carries you everywhere, I don't know if he did that with any of us, as I never asked my mother. 

I heard that our father would go any length for you to be happy but only went a few lengths for us while my mother did it all. 

I heard you are a cute innocent child, but I am not sure you are a spitting image of my father.

    Child, I don't know what the future holds but I know who holds it and I know he will hold and love you too. 

I hope that when you grow old enough to read and understand, you will find this letter here in my diary. It will hurt you so much because you will realise that the kind woman whom you thought was your sister, gave you everything but didnt love you.

 I still keep hoping that as time goes by, and as you grow older, I find a place in my heart to love you but if I don't, child, I hope you understand my reasons. 

 I may not love you but I am kind and you probably don't know the difference. 

They say blood is thicker than water. 

I say love is thicker than blood.
                                                                                                   

REMINISCING ON HOW I SPENT MY VALENTINE

Things they say don’t always go as planned or as dreamed & sometimes, we don’t get it all. I had a very fantastic reverie about how I wanted to spend my valentine but those were just one of the biggest illusions I have had to fantasize about. Well they were not all an illusion, maybe I just didn’t get it all.
MY IMAGINARY MAN: (smile) I didn’t see any one who looked like my creation but I did got a valentine gift & a wonderful kiss from... a very special person.
SKY DIVING: Maybe in the not too distant future, I had go on sky diving, it is a very possible adventure & I can’t wait to do it someday.
BOAT CRUISE: Going on a boat cruise is one of my reveries for valentine, & it’s the one adventure I really wished I had with a special person but like it is rightly said, often times, things don’t go as planned.
Although there was no sex in a Jacuzzi, but there was Love in the air & there still is. I may not have gotten it all but I got it some & I love to say that I got the best. What can be better than a desired gift & a kiss from a very special person? Not forgetting having to go to church, getting some crazy photo shoots & how can I forget to mention my friend # PATIENCE JOSEPH# she decided to spend Valentine with me & my big sister. Not forgetting my very crazy big sister who after getting a nice sleep, decided to do a sexy photo-shoot for herself & all by herself. ‪#‎ANITA‬ JIRINGHO# you made my day and I love you to the bone.
Finally a funny friend visited at night & that’s how my funny big sister #ANITA# decided to get drunk on a red wine. I enjoyed her drunken syndrome because she smiled genuinely all through. There is still love in the air & I can feel it.

DAY DREAM/ MY VALENTINE REVERIE.

DAY DREAM/MY REVERIE FOR VALENTINE

 

Just few days to valentine & I begin to reminisce on previous VALENTINES & how it has always been. Truthfully, I have never been the type of girl who attached a lot of importance to the modern day definition of VALENTINE. I always thought about it in the old fashioned way, that way I try my best to practice it to the best of my old fashioned knowledge. Often times, something within me makes me wanna really do something for a change, so I began my “DAY DREAM” for this year’s VALENTINE.

·         MY IMAGINARY MAN: Sounds funny but it’s true. I have had an imaginary boyfriend since I was 15years old, he’s a guy I have never seen & I don’t even know him neither do I know if he even exist but he’s someone I created from my own imagination & fantasies long ago. As I became older & wiser, I added other qualities that suit me to my creation.

He’s dark in complexion, with dark wavy low hair; he’s got brown eyes & he’s 6foot tall. 6foot has always been my favorite height for a man that I desire because I feel it compliments a sexy beautiful & portable figure like me (Smile)….

As I grow older, I began to add so many other qualities to my imaginary man. He’s my creation, so I can do whatever I want with him.

Naturally I admire very intelligent men, so I added that to the quality of my creation. My imaginary man should not just be 6foot tall, dark with brown eyes & wavy hair alone, he’s also got to be very educated, intelligent, handsome, very rich & should have a moral conscience. I also created him gap toothed, with very white clean teeth, pink lips & he’s known to always smell nice & have a fresh breath. Now, that’s my imaginary man & my creation. I wish he came real this VALENTINE!

·         SKY DIVING (DANGEROUSLY ADVENTUROUS)…

Funny enough, I have phobia for heights but this VALENTINE, I REVERIE to do the things I always thought was dangerous & impossible for me. So I will say that I envisage doing dangerous & adventurous things this time around. I had like to take this adventurous risk with someone very special.  Favorable for me, if he’s got at least 60% of the qualities of my imaginary creation. Although I have never seen anyone that is 100% my creation.

·         BOAT CRUISE: I am not totally water phobic, after all I am a proud citizen of the creek, (smile) but I fear big rivers though, I only admire the ocean in movies or pictures. I prefer to swim in the

Pool. Meanwhile I don’t even know how to swim. I had loved to go on a boat cruise with someone special on VALENTINES day. This isn’t as dangerous as sky diving, it’s kind of very romantic to me.

·         SEX IN A WARM JACUZZI WITH ROSES: Now this will make everybody think that I am crazy, trust me, I am totally sane. I am just having a DAY DREAM & these are my REVERIE/FANTASIES. Only a rich guy can afford to make these fantasies of mine turn into reality. I was very thoughtful when I created my imaginary man to be rich, not just rich but very rich.   Don’t judge me, it’s my Diary. Don’t forget.